I really loved the moral universe of Boland's poem. An intricate part of being a parent is wanting to spare your children from making the same mistakes you made. It is natural to want to protect them, to look ahead in the road and try to steer them away from the obstacles you know are coming. But it is also important for them to learn their own lessons, to have personal experiences to draw from as they constantly face the storms of life.
This mother in "The Pomegranate" identifies with Ceres because she recognizes that to take those experiences away would be doing a greater harm to her child than good. Protection is necessary to a certain extent. However, when a parent tries to rob their child of experience in the name of protection they are depriving them of those character building opportunities that will make them a better human being.
I am in no way saying that a dad can't bring out the shotgun when his daughter goes on her first date or that a mom isn't allowed to hate the girl that gives her son his first kiss. What I am suggesting is that the important lessons in life will be so great as experiences that a parent couldn't possibly shield their child from every direction and in fact shouldn't. You can feel the mother's heartache as she looks upon her sleeping daughter who is struggling to find herself. Perhaps the greatest test for a parent is actually stepping back and letting go when all you want to do is hold on.
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Great post, Jaree. It's a very moving poem. That balance, between wanting to take care of my daughter and letting her learn for herself, is something I'm not very good at yet. I hope it gets easier in time, but my suspicion is that it will only get harder.
ReplyDeleteI think in the case of my parents, you could take your last line and reverse it. They had to hold on to me when all they wanted to do was let me go!
I agree with your post, but an important thing to remember is that Ceres never went through the things her daughter went through. While she obviously had a daughter, the things that Persephone went through (being kidnapped, forced to marry, etc) were things that she never experienced.
ReplyDeleteI think that part of the reason Mrs. Boland used the example of Ceres and Persephone was because of that fact. Children don't always go through the same trials that their parents went through. Sometimes they face tribulations that their parents have no experience with. I think that Persephone's abduction, though not experienced firsthand by Ceres, was just as much a learning experience for her, and that both mother and daughter grew from the experience.
Pomegranate – sour fruit, even worse juice
ReplyDeleteLife sucks. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in pomegranate juice. Sometimes I feel like I’ve stained my favorite white shirt with pomegranate juice, and no matter how much Shout! I drench the shirt with that darn stain just won’t come out. Life is similar. We make mistakes. We’re stupid when we’re young… and when we’re old, for that matter. No one can make our choices for us. We have to go it alone. But those hard times are what can make us stronger. It could go either way – we could get torn down or built up by trials. This scenario is especially pertinent coming from the viewpoint of a parent. What other people love us more than our parents and want the very best for us? What other people causes so much hurt and pain when we eff up? Who else in our life can we turn to when we know we’ve effed up to what seems like more than is possibly bearable, but we know they’ll still love us unconditionally and want to help us in anyway they can? Our parents. More specifically, there is a certain connection with mothers because they are the ones who gave us life and there will always be that special bond between a mother and her child.